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E Pluribus Pluribum

Posted on 20 August 2010

by Joseph Hanna

What are we? No! Really! What are we? The question needs to be answered because, depending on how the answer goes, you stand the chance of being made extremely unhappy, really miserable and dead before your time. It is fashionable among the swells, and they are among us in numbers too great to ignore just now, to believe that there is no such thing as human nature. Person (formerly man) is like a thin sheet of copper that may be beaten, really hammered, into any shape desired. You don’t like this feature? Tap tap tap, oops, wham! Et voila! Progress!

Where are the swells headed? It’s called a Better World. What is the keystone of the over-arching gateway to the Better World? It is Tolerance, the master virtue from which all others are derived. Tolerance begets Utopia because … well don’t worry your pretty little head about the details. We know who is lurking there-in [there is no such thing as evil, there is no such thing as evil, there is no such thing as evil ommmmmmmm].

Disclaimer! Progressives, I am about to entice you to swallow some bitter medicine. It is for your own good and I am about to give you a tough-loving spoonful, but first I must tell you – I am required to say — that there may be, in rare instances, some side effects including vomiting, regret, high blood pressure, thoughts of suicide (though I am required to call such an event “denouement with dignity”) this ideation is not for nursing mothers or those who might go into nursing or public service. A simple aptitude test can tell if this is right for you. Consult your guidance counselor. This is not for anyone diagnosed with meathead. Feelings of disorientation have been reported. Hairy boils, constipation, pustules and mutilated monkey meat.

Anyone still left? OK, here we go!

Progress, the ideology, is based on some rather strange thoughts. These include the faith-based assertion that history has a purpose in spite of the fact that it came from nothing and is driven by Blind Chance – not the blues singer who really shouldn’t be driving because of his lack of sight and only gets behind the wheel at the urging of his life-companion Jim Beam, but the still, soft whisper that goes something like, “Nice camouflage. Is it new? Just mutated like that? Cool! Go forth and multiply.” Progress states that we don’t know where we are or where we are going, but it is important to get there. We don’t know where we are because we have no idea how far we have yet to go to get to Utopia, which we can’t define except to say everything is nice there and you are going to like it, trust me.

You see, Person evolved from single celled accidents (I almost wrote “creatures” can you imagine?) called pond scum. Times were hard for scum. It was like the Great Depression and it went on for like eons. That was because scum hadn’t yet evolved into public servants who could pass a stimulus package to get pond life hopping and really boil the frog so to speak. That was then and this is now. We can do anything. We have evolved. We are the potter and we are the clay! Our feet may be clay, but our hands are polished bronze. We can make ourselves into anything we want. Man! That’s progress.

What do the plans look like? Plans? Anybody seen any plans? We don’t need no stinking plans. We have our end in sight! Just be nice! Why can’t we just get along? Well, we can! All we have to do is to get the public servants to pass a law saying that we all just have to get along and if someone doesn’t – why that person will soon feel the full power and majesty of the omniscient, omnipresent and all-powerful state – er – public servants and we’ll see how the person likes that! We will outlaw hate and that will be the end of it! It’s against the law. You understand, of course, that the State can’t afford to be nice because it has to see that everyone else is and that’s too important for half measures. Somebody has to smash the eggs to make the omelet. There are the egg smashers and there are eggs. That’s how evolution has always gone, though we use the nicer term “progress” in this neo-enlightened, post enlightenment, age.

Part of the madness of progressive thought is that differing cultures can be made to live together without a common purpose and without a common identity. In my lifetime, India the most populated country on Earth, was slit into two pieces and Pakistan was born out of that divorce. The two countries have been threatening each other with nuclear annihilation for the past thirty years. In a similar fashion, a few years back, the Hutus in Rwanda murdered – oh, depending on who you talk to – around a million Tutsis. And in that same decade our public servants in Washington decided to bomb Serbia into blackout because they were genocidally messing with the Bosnians in that fabulous incubator of world wars we call the Balkans. At about the same time Ireland was attempting to tear itself apart because of differences in religion. At this point I could just intone a solemn high litany of ethnic and cultural entities embroiled in murderous conflict. “Palestine, the Kurds, Somalia, Ukraine, North and South Korea, the entire Middle East … The litany could easily go on for hours. Its length and breadth would illustrate for the brain-undead something about human nature, starting with the stark fact that the love train has miles to go ere it pulls into the big station at terminus Utopia. Kids, you better go to the bathroom now because Sherman’s cavalry has tore up the tracks again and the conductor says we might be here a while.

And my point?

Multiculturalism is the stupidest, most dangerous, sure-to-end-in-misery social experiment to come down the interstate since the progressives decided eugenics would edge us closer to the ever-receding Utopia city limits. That little detour ended up in Auschwitz. The new detour is based on the bat-blind notion that our masters, I am required to write “public servants” can force us (with the naked power of an unlimited state apparatus) to just get along.

The founding fathers had an interesting idea expressed as E Pluribus Unum. It may be translated from the Latin as from many, one. It means that the American culture can flourish as an amalgam of many cultures, but not as a series of pigeonholes containing discrete cultural identities. Balkanized states have never worked, ever, anywhere in the history of the known world. I suppose I should never say “never” because some anthropology teacher will write in to scold me for forgetting that from 832 to spring of 729 BCE (the battle of Garish Plains) the Jumbites and the Nardoclepts lived happily and inter-married and had a high culture based on beaten copper idols and free figs. But them aside, it is a sorry, sorry record.

Progressives don’t give a turd about the record because we are the potters and we are the clay and all we need are some busy, busy hands to remake ourselves into anything we want. Dissenters and doubters will be demonized and crushed so we don’t have to concern ourselves with them.

Just do me a favor. Picture this. Think four or five years into the future, assuming for a moment that there is one. It’s the day of the big Gay Pride Parade through lower Manhattan. As the parade goers slip into their costumes and mount their floats, a call for prayer goes out by loudspeaker from the World Famous Ground Zero Mosque. Dwell in that vision for a brief moment and perhaps you will ask yourself, “where’s the unum?”

I don’t have to worry about it. I am a Christian and I am instructed that I have to love everyone, even my enemies (being good is really, really hard). But you progressives out there, what is going to happen when your identity politics boils over? Who are you going to slap the lid down on? Hmmm?

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